The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, June 10, 2017

oh the humanities

Flicking through the channels on the sexevision.
I alight on one Carly Simon singing a new version of her most famous song. (Two Carly Simons would have been ridiculous.)
Apparently she's rejigged the thing as an homage to recently resigned Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny whose supporters Famously and Fatuously claim he was the most humane politician in Ireland's history. Famously and Fatuously are Enda Kenny's last remaining followers. If nothing else, they are loyal. Loyal to the point of nincompoopsiedom.
Carly sings:

"You're so humane
You probably think this song is about you
You're so humane
I bet you thinks this song is about you
Dontchya
Bayba
You walked into parliament
As the leader of a party styled Fine Gael
And your awkward hand gestures to the cameras
Looked unfortunately like sieg heils
You gouged your way through the recession by inventing new taxes on water and houses and something called a univeral social charge
Which you used to bail out Finance Minister Ruairi Quinn's brother Lochlainn's collapsed AIB bank
And Lochlainn having collapsed AIB was then allowed to become Chairman of the State electricity company
I ask you
Oh and you also continued the multi billion dollar bailout of the IRA mafia bank Anglo Irish Bank
And allowed an IRA Judge to release the former head of Anglo Irish Bank IRA capo Sean Fitzpatrick who oversaw the institutionalised IRA burglarisation of its own bank through illegal billion dollar loans to himself and other IRA mobsters, released by an IRA Judge I say, on a technicality
And a corrupt chief of police told you she'd be your close friend
She'd be your close friend
Because you didn't have the bawls to fire her
After she framed a hero cop for child abuse
You're so humane
You probably bunged your parents in an old folks home
You're so humane
I bet you bunged your parents in an old folks home
Didn't ya
Bayba
Well you gave out hundred grand pay rises
To Ireland's gangbanger cops
And you reached out to troubled children everywhere
With mutilating sex change ops
You let mafia Judges refuse to extradite Eoin Marques
The world's leading supplier of child porn
I had a feeling there were Jihadis at Dublin airport
Jihadis at Dublin airport
And you're so humane
You probably think Euthanasia's a country
You're so humane
I bet you think Euthanasia's a country
Dontchya
Bayba"

This song definitely has moments.
The ancient maxim of the druids holds true.
When all else fails leave it to Carly Simon to speak truth to power.

Friday, June 09, 2017

the last knight of europe

Wandered into the Dubray bookshop on Grafton Street, Dublin.
The girl behind the counter had a gentle enough face compared to the usual hatchets.
Good heavens, thinks I with a shock of recognition, why if it it isn't old Punky Brewster.
Alas poor Punky, I knew her Horatio.
I mean I ogled her once from behind the Mind Body Spirit shelf.
She had disappeared from the premises soon after to take up new employment or for therapy or whatever.
Now she's here again.
Ye gods.
It's kismet.
A few years older.
A wiser weaker Punky as Johnny Cash might have sung.
But her face still had ye aforementioned gentleness.
I decided to chance testing my new stand up routine on her.
"Good morning Book Keep," I announce breezily rapping the counter. "I'm looking for Mark Steyn books."
"Ummm okay," she says and begins tapping the keyboard of a computer.
After a moment...
"No we don't seem to have any."
"You never do."
"Well we had America Alone."
I was quite impressed by this reference. She actually knew the title of a Mark Steyn book. Most Dublin booksellers pretend they've never heard of Mark Steyn, and that his name doesn't show up on their computers and that his books don't in fact exist. This one is made of sterner stuff. I doubted America Alone had ever been on the premises though. I've been ogling women here for years and I've never so much as got a whiff of a Mark Steyn book.
"Will you order A Disgrace To The Profession for me?" I enquire all businesslike, hoping she'd say no which is what they all say.
"I can do that for you," she answers brightly.
"It's one he edited to debunk climate change," I add with salacious relish. "It's more or less asserting that the notion of climate change is a monstrous pseudo scientific con job."
"Yes I can get it."
Drat and double drat.
The Force is strong with this young(ish) Punky.
My whole schtick had depended on her saying no.
She would say no and then...
...then I was going to start complaining along the lines of: "My dear Lady if I asked you to bake a wedding cake celebrating a marriage between people of the same gender and you said no, I could sue you for crimes against humanity. But clearly in this town prejudice against Steynalectuals still flourishes."
She saved herself all that.
Trust me to pick the only halfway helpful girl in the history of the Dubray bookshop company.
Time for a different tack.
"I hear you're stocking that book for five year olds about the teddy bear who thinks he's a girl in a man's body," I ventured hopefully.
"Well... we had one copy... I think."
"Did it sell?"
"Actually I'm not sure we really had it."
"The five year old Teddy Bear copes with his ennui by putting his dickie bow in his hair as a ribbon."
"I know the one. But I think we were really only saying we could get it if people wanted it."
"The bankrupt Irish Times newspaper said you were stocking it."
"That was a mistake. I think we were going to get one copy."
"Has anyone complained about it?" wondered I.
"No," quoth she.
"Do any of you on the staff feel any qualms of conscience about telling five year olds that if they feel a bit out of sorts they may just be girls in boys' bodies and they can begin to transition like Teddy for a sex change at fifteen?" ventured me.
"No we're okay with it." quoth she.
"Do you know any five year olds?" I asked. "I mean ones you actually care about."
"I don't have a problem with the book," said she.
"Thank you," I said without rancour, and left the Dubray bookshop for the last time.
Not young and not renewable but man.

Thursday, June 08, 2017

today they said


Teresa May (Prime Minister of Great Britain): "We must deny the extremists their capacity to flourish on social media and the internet."

James Healy: "Actually Missus, I'm not sure the internet is the problem. I agree that we should end the display of torture and murder videos by Jihadis. But any further meddling with the discourse may end up as an excuse to censor stuff that should not be censored. The internet is one of the places where the discourse between Muslims and non Muslims is quite frank and extensive. I'm going to hazard that in fact the internet is one of the few "places" in the Free World where Muslim Jihadis are NOT flourishing. On the internet we all know what Jihadis are and what their religion is. On the internet Jihadis are subject to a scrutiny that his almost absent from other cultural formats of expression. There is quite a healthy debate on the internet between Muslims and non Muslims. On the internet the robust analysis and erudite critique of Islam on the most famous websites, say David Wood's site, or Mark Steyn's, or Brother Rachid's, excels by far anything available on newspapers or television. On the internet, apologists for Islamic terror routinely come out looking lame. The fair and free and frank discussions on the above websites do not a safe haven make for Muslim extremists. I would add that on the internet former Muslims are able to speak openly about their reasons for leaving Islam. Muslims who have reservations about Jihad are also able to speak openly on the internet. They can't really speak like this elsewhere in our societies because their fellow Muslims will kill them. On the internet there is genuine discussion about the Prophet Muhammed, not just the anodyne pap which prevails on our television stations or newspapers which have become sterile conformist left wing controlled behemoths of irrelevancy. On the internet those Muslims who are rebelling against the brutality of Islam, speak openly whereas anywhere else they would simply be murdered by other Muslims for daring to break ranks. I honestly don't think the internet is the problem. On the internet Prime Minister I'm going to suggest, well, that the Jihadis are actually losing. So the space we need to deny them is not cyberspace. The space we need to deny them is real space, that is to say we need to deny them the freedom to walk around, draw social welfare and sip at our cafes while planning to bomb our countries and our cities. Again. Don't deny them cyber space. Deny them real space. Stop letting them in. Stop letting them stay here. Stop letting them hide in plain sight. Enforce immigration law as defined by the broader community. If you allow Muslims to mass migrate to our countries, Muslims will do here what they have done in every other country that has allowed them to mass migrate inwards. They will inflict endless mass casualty terrorism upon us. End Muslim immigration. The space you need to make Muslim Jihadi free is London, Dublin, all of Western Europe. Not the internet. Our police should not be following selected Jihadis from cafe to cafe waiting for them to kill someone. If there's any reason to follow a Jihadi in the streets, then that's enough reason to expel him or her. Incarcerate him or her. Or don't let him or her into our countries in the first place. Stop waiting till they bomb a school, a street, a concert, a train, a bus, or a plane before you take action. I've got news for you Prime Minister. People are getting tired of this. Our pseudo elites are handing victory to our enemies. Blah, blah, blah. The Mayor will have my ass. Blah. You junior detectives and your recklessly heroic ways. Blah, blah, my ass, blah, the mayor, blah, etc etc."