The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, May 30, 2014

when the may month flapped its glad green leaves like wings

the three billionaire goats gruff

Once upon a time there were three Billionaire Goats Gruff..
They lived in Fairyland.
The goats' names were Dermot Desmond, Tony O'Reilly and Denis O'Brien.
All three were proprietors of the bankrupt anti Catholic Irish Independent Newspapers Gruff.
The Three Billionaire Goats Gruff had never done a day's work in their lives but had grown rich by borrowing exponential sums from banks they had corrupted through the placement of connected individuals on the banks' Boards of Management, and then creaming off money from the borrowings in supposed remuneration at companies they had purchased or were pretending to develop using the borrowings.
The Goats knew that once somebody lends you a billion dollars you can grow rich just by pretending to trade with it.
The trick is finding (or corrupting) a gulpen thick enough (or corrupt enough) to part with the dough (legal tender preferably).
Let's be clear.
The three Billionaire Billygoats Gruff were able to get two banks in Fairyland to lend them astronomical sums of money simply by employing a relative of members of the Board of Management at both banks in a high profile job with their own Independent Newspapers Gruff.
The borrowed money was laundered through companies in the ownership of the Billionaire Billy Goats Gruff, ie companies they bought with the borrowed money, and through which they paid themselves exponential fees to run those companies into the ground.
Most salient was their ownership of Independent Newspapers Gruff
Independent Newspapers Gruff has inevitably collapsed because, in spite of the Goats' claims it was being read by the entire nation, it was little perused outside the canteen of Fairyland's Stalinist State broadcaster RTE and Fairyland's KGB sponsored newspaper The Irish Times.
It was doing no business.
Its forty year culture war against the Christian religion had left it without readers, without blessings, without any trace of light or grace, and staffed by a complement of congenital arses that would shame a Tibetan arse factory famous for producing the worst arses in the world.
I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns.
Let's be clearer.
Independent Newspapers Gruff had on its Board of Management as Chief Executive a non goat from Fairyland's high society Crowley family, Mr Snodgrass Crowley. (Vincent Crowley surely? - Ed note)
Allied Irish Banks which over the years lent the three Billionaire Goats Gruff and their Independent Newspapers Gruff billions of dollars also had serving on its Board of Management (the bank's) yet another member of the Crowley family, Mr Theobald Wolfe Crowley. (Or some such thing. - Ed note)
Theo's oversight of loans from Allied Irish Bank to the three Billionaire Goats Gruff and separately to Independent Newspapers Gruff may have been less than we might have hoped it would be in as honest and honorable a place as Fairyland since his brother was Chief Executive on the board of the three Billionaires Gruff's company.
A second bank, styled Bank Of Ireland, also had yet another member of the Crowley family, Snagglepuss Crowley, on its Board Of Management.
Snagglepuss was also inspired with a spirit of generosity towards the three billionaires gruff and their bankrupt (morally and financially) Anti Catholic Newpaper Group Gruff.
Bank Of Ireland, under the aegis of Snagglepuss, divvied up billions to the three Billiionaire Billygoats Gruff and to their company Independent Newspapers Gruff.
Every other bank in Ireland lent money to the Three Billionaires Gruff under similar circumstances.
And they all lived happily ever after.
They all lived happily ever after because when every bank in Fairyland suddenly went bust lending money to billionaires who had never done a day's work in their lives, and who had never intended anyway to repay the money they were effectively stealing from banks with improper connections to themselves through the Crowley family, and whose aberrated newspaper group's sole moral principle was a malicious detestation for the ancient beautiful and true Catholic religion and a concomitantly perverse determination to label the Catholic Church an abusing institution while Independent Newspapers itself was wilfully concealing the 99.99 percent of sex abuse cases which did not involve the Church, when this happened I tells ee, and all the banks and all the newspaper groups and all the Crowleys went bust, Fairyland's corrupt Fine Gael Labour government promptly looted the treasury to pay all the debts of the Three Billionaires Gruff and all the debts of Independent Newspapers Gruff and all the debts of their horrendous pet Crowleys Gruff, borrowing untold billions against future generations merely to keep this confederacy of dunces in BMW's, and instantaneously placing Fairyland in the Third World overnight and enslaving a generation of young Fairies and Fairies yet unborn to a debt they can never repay.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

the hundred billion dollar question

Did the decision last year by Ireland's corrupt Fine Gael Labour government to compel householders to accept the installation of water metres on every house in the country, have anything to do with the ownership by Fine Gael financier Tony O'Reilly of a water metre company?

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


The moral centre of the planet earth is in Ukraine.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014


Sunday, May 25, 2014

from the heelers memos

To: Leaders of America, Britain and France.
Barack, Dave, Francois.
Yowsa and c.
Are you actually serious about letting Vladimir Putin attend the D-Day commorations? I mean really? You're going to sit there plush bottomed and smiling with a psychopathic resovietising Russian Communist Nazi who's doing now to Ukraine precisely what Hitler did (with Communist Russia's help) in 1939 to Poland? I mean are you guys really going to play it exactly the same way Neville Chamberlain played it in the expectation of obtaining a different outcome? Here is the news. If we let him take Ukraine, we will be unable to stop him taking everywhere else. Look, I know the cretinous Daily Telegraph is saying that the Russians are sensitive to comparisons with Hitler because Putin's Daddy and Mammy died when Hitler invaded Russia. But Putin is not Russia. He is a gangster who has hijacked Russia much as Lenin and Stalin did before him. And the way you deal with his feigned sensitivity to comparisons with Hitler is by referring him and his ambassadors and the Daily bloody Telegraph to the above secret pacts between the Nazis and Communist Russia (and Putin's parents)(and Joe Stalin.) For crying out loud. The secret pacts between Hitler and Communist Russia are the only reason Hitler was ever in a position to invade anyone in the first place. And Russia only survived his invasion because the Americans and the Brits came to her aid in spite of her earlier treacherous alliance with Hitler. Yes, I admit it. Following Hitler's secret pact with Stalin (who always believed Hitler would remain a problem solely for the Free World), Hitler went on to kill exponentially more Russians than he did anyone else, just as I assure you, the Muslim Jihadis of Al Qaeda, Iran and Syria will do to the Russia of today following their secret pacts with Putin (who remains childishly confident that the Muslim Terror Army which threatens humanity will never ever turn on Moscow. Boy has he got that one wrong.) Putin is vicious. But he's not that bright.. I know Mussies. And I know they hate Russians as much as they hate the rest of us. Fellahs, fellahs, fellahs. You've got to get uppity with this psychotic sonofabitch and his preening Gestapo emissaries. You've got to look the Russian ambassadors to your countries in the eye and say: "F--- off you evil b-----ds." Do it. Before it's too late. Disinvite him. Do not tolerate him at your ceremonies. Do not let him hijack our glorious dead in order to smirk in pious grandeur on the graves of the Ukrainians he has so recently murdered. This is your only chance to avoid World War Three. We stop him at Ukraine. It's not rocket science. Prince Charles will explain it to you if you ask him nicely. America! England! France! Remember yourselves. For f---'s sake. That is all.

about a girl

The Majesty Of Democracy

(Being a short treatise on Local and European Elections in Ireland)

Bleak and winterish the weather was but it no way intruded upon my spirit as I ventured into the polling station at Kilcullen National School.
Democracy is a gift. Our ancestors bequeathed it to us. And we're lucky to have it.
While despising Ireland's supposedly mainstream political parties for legalising abortion, I still insist on admiring anyone who submits themselves to the electoral process by having the courage to stand before us at election time.
Question: Where would be if we had no leaders?
Answer: Somalia, Syria, Zimbabwe, Cuba, Russia, etc etc.
And we can be those if we really want to be.
Particularly etc etc.
So I insist on admiring the politicians even when I despise them.
It is a complex position but normally I can pull it off.
In the polling station the supervising officers Anne Flanagan and Geraldine O'Rourke provided me with two separate voting sheets, one for the local elections and one for the Europeans.
They seemed awfully amused about something.
Soon I was ensconced in the voting booth, toying with the fate of the nation.
Now let's see.
Start with the European parliament.
Who ya gonna call?
I held my camera at arms length to get a shot of myself voting.
"Ronan Mullen the Pro Lifer number one," I mused to myself, "then we'll have Independent number two, Independent number three, Independent number four, and I suppose I'd better give a number five to the Shinner even though they're abortionists too they're still not Fine Gael or Labour or Fianna Fail. And they kept their word after the peace process which I opposed but which the mainstream parties signed me up to. They kept their word in renouncing violence. So let's not let Enda Kenny or anyone else label them as killers."
By the way for those of you who've just arrived, Shinner is the colloquial Irish term for Sinn Fein the party which formerly represented the IRA terror army and its adherents.
"You better be careful," called out one of the lady polling officers. "If people see that photo they'll know who you voted for. You might have Ming the Merciless coming after you."
"He won't be coming after me," I shot back. "He has my vote. He got my Number Four. I don't like his drug use but I like the way he stood up for the turf cutters when Europe was trying to shut them down."
"Maybe he was smoking the turf," chimed in Polling Chief Maurice O'Mahoney who had entered the room unbeknownst to me.
I returned to the matter in hand.
Europe settled.
Time for the locals.
"Hmmm," I mused. "Number one Seamie Moore because he's Independent, number two Independent, number three Independent, number four Independent, and oh, there's another Shinner, let's give him a vote just because Enda Kenny is so sure I never will. There we go."
The job was done.
There was time to pose for some more photographs with the polling staff.
Then I headed out into the rainswept dusk of evening, sure in my heart that no matter how bad things are in Kilcullen, at least we're better off than in the South Kildare capital of Athy where there were a grand total of nought Independents standing for election.

independent newspapers bawls drop

An article in the bankrupt anti Catholic Irish Independent newspaper reported this evening that one Tony O'Reilly was being pursued by one Allied Irish Bank for one sum of Fifty Million Dollars.
The article was a little bit coy.
One has to read between one's lines does one.
For Tony O'Reilly is one of three billionaire playboy owners of the bankrupt Independent Newspapers group and another of the group's billionaire owners is at war with him. The real purpose of the publication of this story in an Independent Newspapers title today is to flag that Tony is no longer in control and that Billionaire Number Two Denis O'Brien now holds the reins.
Today's story is also a little bit coy in not mentioning that while Tony O'Reilly owes Allied Irish Bank a personal debt estimated at fifty million dollars, Independent Newspapers itself up until a mysterious debt cancellation five minutes ago owed Allied Irish Bank a debt in the region of one billion dollars.
That's some chump change being lent to billionaire scruff who never did a day's work in their lives.
Thankfully corrupt Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny of Fine Gael and his heroic working class allies in the Labour Party have helped out Independent Newspapers by cancelling their debts to worthless banks which the government has just nationalised on our behalf and with our money.
We couldn't have billionaire Tony O'Reilly or billionaire Denis O'Brien paying the debts run up by their own newspaper group now could we.
I normally refer to Denis O'Brien as a mobile phone thief.
Denis O'Brien made his billion by the simple expedient of paying corrupt Fine Gael government Minister Michael Lowry a bribe of a few hundred thousand pounds in return for which Michael Lowry presented Denis O'Brien with a billion dollars worth of mobile phone service supply contracts for the Republic of Ireland at the bargain basement price of a couple of million dollars.
Hilarious no.
Denis O'Brien's bribery of Lowry and his theft of a billion dollars from the Irish people has been confirmed by a Judicial Enquiry.
I am suggesting that Denis O'Brien remains free because he owns the present Fine Gael government led by corrupt Prime Minister Enda Kenny. You will notice that he has published a flattering photograph of Enda Kenny every day in the Irish Independent for the past two years. Enda Kenny has no intention of biting the teshticle that feeds him.
Let's recap a little, I'm starting to froth at the mouth.
Enda Kenny has just nationalised the banks to which Independent Newspapers (Billionaire Denis and Billionaire Tony's company) owe a billion dollars.
Those banks have just quietly written off half a billion dollars in Independent Newspapers debt.
Another half billion has been shelved for later consideration. (ie It will be written off when no one is looking.)
None of this emerges in today's bankrupt Independent Newspapers' hatchet job attack on Tony O'Reilly one of its own corrupt billonaire proprietors, in an article that focusses solely on Tony's personal debt to Allied Irish Bank. 
Nor does another salient aspect of this unseemly, seedy, sordid menage a bollixes, emerge.
A senior board member of the bankrupt Independent Newspapers company is a member of Dublin's pseudo high society Crowley family.
A senior board member of the bankrupt Allied Irish Banks which went bankrupt lending money to Independent Newspapers, money which Independent Newspapers is refusing to repay, is another member of Dublin's pseudo high society Crowley family.
A senior board member of the bankrupt Bank Of Ireland which is supposed to compete with Allied Irish Banks and which has also received billions of dollars in public money to stop it going bust, is yet another member of Dublin's pseudo high society Crowley Family.
I'm telling ya folks.
Whatever goes bust in Ireland, everything is coming up roses for the Crowleys.
So we're all paying debts run up by Tony O'Reilly and Denis O'Brien at Independent Newspapers through the cancellation of debt at banks purchased on our behalf by corrupt Prime Minister Enda Kenny whose former Fine Gael party colleague Michael Lowry was in the pocket of at least one of Independent Newspapers billionaire proprietors Denis O'Brien.
The money lent to both Tony O'Reilly and Independent Newspapers is tainted by the prolific presence of numerous Crowleys and their acolytes in board rooms and toilets all over Independent House, Allied Irish Bank, and Bank Of Ireland.
And billionaire Tony O'Reilly and billionaire Denis O'Brien will not pay a penny from their personal billon dollar fortunes towards the debts their company should never have been lent.
We'll all pay.
Enda Kenny bought the Crowley's Allied Irish Bank which was worth nothing because it couldn't collect its debts from Independent Newspapers, for the bargain basement fee of ten thousand million dollars.
And we'll all pay for that too.
It is nice to know that everything was above board and that no matter what happens to the rest of us, the Crowleys will still be able to afford petrol for their BMW's.
As will Enda Kenny.
Denis O'Brien too.
And Tony O'Reilly.
There is of course a third billionaire who holds a significant stake in Independent Newspaper.
His name is Denis Desmond.
But he's a quiet one and I know nothing about him.


Footnote: I'm deliberately not mentioning Tony O'Reilly's ownership of a water metre company. Corrupt Prime Minister Enda Kenny recently passed a law compelling every household in Ireland to have a water metre fitted. Was this legislation connected in any way to Tony O'Reilly's relationship with Enda Kenny's atheistic abortionist political party Fine Gael and their marxian bedmates Labour? The entire nation compelled to fit water metres merely to advantage a billionaire? Still that's socialism I suppose. Hoo baby.