The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, September 03, 2011

sez me

Seamus Heaney: "In my hand the squat pen rests. I'll dig with it."
Sez me: "I wish to God he'd stop writing with it."

Friday, September 02, 2011

confucius he say

There is no art to define the mind's construction in the breasts.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

rotten boroughs

Ireland's last general election saw the public roundly reject Fianna Fail klepocracy in favour of a Fine Gael/Labour coalition. It has now become apparent that by voting for this assorted collection of bigoted atheistic abortionist crapweasels we have waltzed haply from the thievin gypsy bstaad Fianna Fail frying pan into the masturbatory Nazi anti Catholic Fine Gael fire.At least the Fianna Failers had souls. Some of the election results revealed a most curious betrayal of Ireland by the voters themselves. Here are my favourite top ten constituencies where the people willingly opted to inflict scum on the rest of us.
1. Tipperary North. The people of Tipperary North gave a two fingered salute to the rest of the country by electing corrupt gangstah Michael Lowry as an Independent candidate. Lowry is most famous for his manifold and manifest criminality while a Minister in a previous Fine Gael government. During this period he awarded a licence to provide mobile phone services nationwide to a criminal called Denis O'Brien who had bribed him handsomely. The mobile phone licence was worth about a billion dollars. Lowry gave it to Denis O'Brien for a couple of million. The people of Tipperary North had no objections to this arrant venal and debased chicanery, electing the hoodlum Lowry in each of the last two elections even after his criminality had become public knowledge.
2. Roscommon North. The people of Roscommon North, encountering the collapse of public order in our ancient Republic, responded by electing one Luke Flanagan to high office. Luke Flanagan styles himself Ming The Merciless, and cuts his hair to approximate a resemblance to that cinematic character. He is most famous for insisting on using illegal drugs in direct contravention of the law of the land. His criminality, like Lowry's, has been publicly established beyond any doubt.
3. Cavan Monaghan. This constituency which abuts Northern Ireland is a sort of Irish version of The Hills Have Eyes. The people of Cavan Monaghan are inbred and without conscience. So it was that they elected to the Irish parliament the leader of Sinn Fein and the terrorist Irish Republican Army, Mr Gerry Adams. Mr Adams is not most opprobrious to me because of his lifetime of terrorist activities. I am willing to accept his participation in the political life of my country if he has genuinely renounced his previous proclivities for murdering and torturing human beings. What I find opprobrious is his posturing and preening when it comes to sex abuse issues. Gerry Adams last year called for Cardinal Sean Brady to resign over what Mr Adams alleged was the Cardinal's mishandling as a young priest of a sex abuse case. It was suggested that the Cardinal had been clerk at a consultation with two sex abuse victims, and as clerk, had sworn the victims to secrecy. This was tantamount to concealing sex abuse as far as Gerry Adams was concerned. I suppose there are worse things you could be concealing though, eh Gerry? Like murders and tortures AND sex abuse all together. Let me cast a few aspoyshuns. Gerry Adams' calls for the Cardinal to resign on grounds of trumped up purely notional guilt, were rendered particularly hypocritical, nay vile, in the light of revelations from Gerry Adams own niece that she had reported abuse by her father to her Uncle Gerry Adams and that he had done nothing about it. She spoke out after Gerry Adams began his showboating attempts to ruin Cardinal Brady. Gerry Adams niece stated that her father, Gerry Adams' brother, had raped her throughout her childhood and that she had gone to Gerry Adams about this and told him everything. Gerry Adams' niece noted that Gerry Adams had given her no help at all in dealing with the trauma she had suffered. Nor did Gerry Adams alert any police or civil authority about his brother's propensity for raping children. And the people of Cavan Monaghan in their wisdom and discernment, decided all of this was just icecream. Gerry Adams now sits in the Irish parliament, plush bottomed and magnificent, answerable to no one except the low brows of Cavan Monaghan.
4. Mayo. The people of Mayo were responsible for electing our current Prime Minister Enda Kenny to parliament. Enda Kenny is a vacuous, vapid, venal, hairstyle of a man. His anti Catholic speeches are currently being cited by the Chinese communist government to justify their persecution of Catholics in China.
5. Dunlaoghaire. Having being wont to inflict Greens and similar goons on the country for many years, the good burghers of Dunlaoghaire this year took a turn against Tree Huggers (mainly because the Tree Huggers had broken all their promises, stopped hugging trees and had started hugging kleptocratic Fianna Failers instead). Instead of Greens the people of Dunlaoghaire opted to vote for a conflict theory atheist communist called Richard Boyd Barret. Richard Boyd Barret used to state fondly at College that marriage is a capitalist institution designed solely for the oppression of women. No doubt he's just the man we need to lead this country into the sort of prosperity enjoyed in the old Soviet Union. Bloody hell.
6. Wexford. The town of Wexford is located in the sunny south east of Ireland. The people are dimmer than the Cavan Monaghan crew. Here's what Wexford did to Ireland during the last election. Wexford voted for a man called Mickey Wallace who styled himself an anti corruption candidate. The only problem with this is that Mickey Wallace owes gangster banks 50 million quid. That's 50 million quid that we know about. The real figure will be higher. The circumstances in which any bank could give 50 million quid to Mickey Wallace are shrouded in mystery. He has a lowly arts degree from University College Dublin. He has never produced any track record of success in business. To give a fellow like this unsecured loans of 50 million quid simply makes no sense. Is it possible Mickey Wallace was himself fronting for gangsters? You all know my opinion on this matter. If it looks like a frontman for drug dealers, if banks give it 50 million dollars in unsecured loans like a frontman for drug dealers, then hold the phone Ma Kettle, it's a frontman for drug dealers. The half wits of Wexford weren't too worried about this or any other possibility. They liked Mickey Wallace's style. All that talk about rooting out corruption. Those wondrously sonerous bogman tones decrying the evils of Irish banks. So the people of Wexford elected this goober (known debt to banks 50 million smackeroos) to the Irish parliament on an anti corruption ticket. I weep for my generation.
8. Limerick. The people of Limerick have allowed their city to be run by gangsters for the past forty years. It's like Naples without the nice buildings. Stab City most of us call it. This title is not entirely fair. As Limerick's denizens shoot at least as many people as they stab. Running true to form, in the last election Limerick once more elected Mr Michael Noonan of Fine Gael to the Irish parliament. Bear in mind that Fine Gael were elected specifically on promises to end Fianna Fail's policy of forcing Irish citizens to finance the gambling losses of gangster banks. Within weeks of their election they had quietly borrowed another seven thousand million dollars against the Irish people in order to buy up a worthless controlling interest in dessicated gangster bankruptee Allied Irish Bank. (Note, Allied Irish not the Fianna Fail gangster bank Anglo Irish). It's funny. Apparently our political leaders of all hues believe that the citizenry must be forever compelled to finance the gambling losses of thieves and hoodlums in the banking sector. But I digress. Noonan's stock in trade is cheap shots at the Catholic Church. He is indeed a most cowardly conformist in this age dominated by anti Catholic media Nazis. Yet it is not for this that I excoriate him. It is for his statement last month about a bankrupt businessman called Sean Quinn to wit: "I feel sorry for Sean Quinn." Sean Quinn and his family had received several thousand millions of dollars in loans from the most corrupt bank on earth, the gangster Fianna Fail bank Anglo Irish. Anglo Irish was not even in the top three Irish banks, but its losses exceeded every other bank on earth, including the greatest American gangster bank Citibank. (The Irish Times is propagating the falsehood this week that Anglo Irish was the third largest bank in Ireland. In terms of public exposure to any collapse the top three banks were Allied Irish, Bank Of Ireland, and the Ulster Bank. Unless the government opted to make the public liable for Anglo Irish's debts it couldn't possibly rate in the top three. In terms of public depositors and borrowers, it wasn't even in the top ten. It should be noted that some Irish Times staffers had a most curious, nay surrealistic, take on Anglo Irish's corrupt boss Mr Sean Fitzpatrick. As Fitzpatrick's criminality hove into public view, Irish Times journalist Kathy Sheridan announced on RTE television that she thought it was unfortunate Sean Fitzpatrick should suffer in the general banking crisis as she knew him and found him to be a decent man. Lovely, lovely people.) Since Anglo Irish Bank was not in the top three banks and did not have significant deposits or borrowings relating to the general public, Fianna Fail could have let Anglo Irish die. It would have hurt only a limited circle of Fianna Fail businessmen and their friends. Instead Fianna Fail looted the treasury to bail out their own personal bank. For this reason Ireland has consigned Fianna Fail to history. Anglo Irish ran up its world record losses because its board members, management and staff were robbing their own bank. Anglo Irish board members were robbing their own bank by giving themselves hundred million dollar loans with effectively no security or capacity to repay. In addition Anglo Irish board members were robbing their own bank by giving thousand million dollar loans to developers and businessman, again with no real security. The trick was that the businessmen thus rewarded with thousand million dollar loans would give Anglo board members a few hundred million back in bribes under the table. Sean Quinn and his family received thousands of millions in loans from Anglo Irish Bank. Some of these loans were issued for the purpose of buying Anglo Irish shares, in order to help conceal the collapse of the bank by propping up its share price. Sean Quinn and his family should spend their declining years in jail. Sean Quinn and his family with the exception of Anglo Irish board member gangsters David Drumm and Sean Fitzpatrick, have done more than any other individuals to bankrupt Ireland itself. And you know what. Right this moment Sean Quinn and his family (who should be mouldering in jail) are sueing the Irish nation because they allege the businesses they had been financing with thousand million dollar loans from Anglo Irish Bank, should never have been taken away from them. The Quinns are also moving to hide their assets by placing them in inaccessible ownership contrivencies overseas. Meanwhile those professionals retained by the Irish State to run the former Quinn companies, are finding themselves subject to threats, intimidation, violence and arson. It all smells very Oi Orr Aye. The Rah men cometh, know what oi mean guv. These people have the neck of the devil. And little Michael Noonan, Fine Gael member of parliament for Stab City West, the great Michael Noonan, scourge of the Catholic Church no less... this Michael Noonan feels sorry for them. So we're not going to see a Seizure Of Assets Bill directed at the Quinn family any time soon, eh Mick? Better to just let unborn generations of the Irish people struggle in poverty to pay the Quinn family's debts. No greater indictment of the great Michael Noonan is possible than his expressed sympathy for the debased charlatan purloiners of the nation who are Sean Quinn and his family and their friends.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

the monica leech laugh in

A man goes up Mount Sinai and cries out in desperation:
"God do you exist?"
There is silence for a moment and then...
"I do," sez God.
"And do you feel the passing of time the way we do?" demands the man.
"No," sez God. "For me a million years is like a minute."
"And what's a million dollars like?" wonders the man.
"For me a million dollars is like a penny," sez God.
"Oh Lord ever living and true, give me a penny," prays the man most fervently.
"I will in a minute," sez God.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

five billion dollars worth of journalism

As Boy Barack, Boy David, Boy Nicolas, et al (Particularly Al. I hate him.) as they all, collectively and individually I say, preen on the world stage over their seemingly successful intervention in Libya, would it be remiss of me to take this opportunity to note their indebtedness to a certain President George Bush, whose use of the American army and its allies to liberate Iraq and Afghanistan has had certain consequences for Libya also.
Let me this way put it.
Seven years ago after President Bush, Prime Minister Tony Blair, and allies in Poland, Spain and other countries, successfully threw out the Islamist murderocratic dictators in Iraq and Afghanistan, Colonel Gadaffi in Libya sat up and took notice.
That is to say, seeing how the American army went through the Jihadis of Iraq and Afghanistan in nothing flat, Colonel Gadaffi suddenly announced to the world that he wished to surrender his nuclear weapons programme.
His what!
This was the same nuclear weapons programme that the United Nations had no knowledge of.
The same nuclear weapons programme that Mohammed El Baradei International Atomic Energy Agency was not investigating or monitoring.
And lo!
Here was Colonel Gadaffi saying he had a programme to develop atomic bombs but he now wanted to surrender it.
Without a shout being fired.
Just think folks.
Nato and friends would be having far less fun today if they'd discovered the hard way that Colonel Gadaffi had nuclear weapons.
Time for a round of applause for President Bush and Prime Minister Blair from Sky News, CNN, the New York Times, the BBC, the Guardian, ABC, CBS, NBC, Time Magazine, Newsweek and the other near bankrupt atheistic appeasers of the Media, the Judiciary and our pseudo elite Political Class.
The media appeasers might also pause to humbly and abjectly apologise to President Bush and Prime Minister Blair for the repeated media attempts throughout the past decade both to discredit the liberations of Iraq and Afghanistan and to criminalise President Bush and Prime Minister Blair themselves.
It could happen.
But don't hold your breath.

Monday, August 29, 2011

irish prime minister enda kenny's latest speech in full

Vee vill annex ze Catholic Church. No one vill stand in our way. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Vee ze master race of Fine Gael and ze Labour Party vill rule Ireland for a thousand years. Ziss vill be ze true thousand year reich. Ein reich. Ein Egg Yolk. Ein Fuhrer. Ein abortion for everyone who vants one. Two abortions for everyone else vether zey vant vun or not. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Vee ze soldiers of ze Irish Republic vill teach zese Catholics ze meaning of fear. No vun vill resist us. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Vee are ze vuns. Vee are ze men of destiny. Vee are ze immortals. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Vee vill burn ze Catholics. All vill die. Vee are ze masters now. Der tot ist ein meister von Mayo. Death is a master from Mayo. Nyah ha ha Gee Force. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil.

an autumn storm at kilcullen

the evening concerto has begun
sweeping through twilight from the fields
a masterwork of music at random
rain drums on windowsill and eaves
its off note lyric rhapsody in grey
as squalls lust gustily in sprays
a bullock bells forlorn out of sight
light sound shadow harmonise
at once a dreary montone of night
at once a heady gloriole of praise
that says it all about this place
its torn me in my love and hate for it
village prison earthly paradise
small town insensate to my spirit
oh universe in me and i in it

Sunday, August 28, 2011

the muppet show

It's happened quicker than I expected.
I thought Al Qaeda would have to murder its way to power among the Libyan rebels.
But already today Mr Hassan Al Segher of the new Libyan National Transitional Council was annoucing that under no circumstances would the new government be extraditing to the West either the Lockerbie bomber or the murderer of Police Woman Yvonne Fletcher.
This is a pickle.
What exactly have we been doing in Libya?
Why the hell exactly did American supremo Barack Obama, Brit Prime Minister David Cameron and French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy commit the Western alliance to protecting the likes of Mr Hassan Al Segher from the Gadaffis?
More precisely why the hell did Barack and Co immerse us in this military action, risking our soldiers' lives, risking our cities and our citizenries should the Gadaffis run true to form and retaliate with terrorism, and wasting a hundred billion dollars on the whole adventure just to allow a Libyan pipsqueak like Mr Hassan Al Segher showboat for the world's media about how he won't hand any Libyans over to the West?
Remind me.
Because I've forgotten.
Of course Barack and David and Nicolas are an awful shower of muppets.
Six months ago, Barack announced while he was on a tour of South America that he was sending Nato into Libya.
He has spent most of the intervening period either on tour or on holiday simply because he doesn't want to be considered a war president.
That's some leadership right there.
Prime Minister Cameron has been similarly shy.
He allowed one of his underlings Mr William Hague to do most of his war talkin.
Mr William Hague is a true muppet, famous on day two of the conflict for announcing: "We think the Gadaffis have fled."
As for Nicolas.
Nicolas used the French presidency as a sex trap to bed super models.
That's his class.
That's his speed.
He's not the sort of person one should go to war for.
Alright then.
In truth I don't entirely dismiss the motivations of any of the Western muppets in bringing us to war in Libya.
The Gadaffis were indeed about to massacre thousands of Libyan citizens in their customary manner, ie with gay abandon.
So it was Hobson's choice for the muppets.
And I won't judge em too harshly.
It would be nice if the Libyan National Transitional Council received some collect charge phone calls this evening from the muppet theatre (Nato HQ), courtesy of Sam the Bald Eagle (Barack), Animal (David Cameron), Fozzy Bear (Mr William Hague) and Kermit the Frog (Nicolas).
All four of these muppets should make the call, singly and together.
Their phone call should contain suitably vituperative vulgarisms as they inform the great Hassan Al Sagheer that because of him, all Nato personnel and aircraft are being withdrawn from Libya immediately, and that from now on the great Hassan Al Sagheer can deal with the Gadaffis himself.
Now that would be fun.
And you know something.
The 278 murdered victims of Lockerbie and Police Woman Yvonne Fletcher deserve no less.
Jihadis Delenda Est.