The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, March 06, 2010

the persistence of hamsters


orville wright

it is 1939
and he sees
darkness close in
fire engulf cities
death crowned king
the destruction of the dream
his life fades
and he sees
one brother sitting in a wooden box
shouting joy
whilest another
races dreams
feet lifting chalk
carefree on the plains of kittyhawk

Islamic Top Ten

It's been a busy week for the peaceloving religion of Islam. Here is the latest chart run down of Muslim riots, murders and jihads, worldwide. Please imagine Top Of The Pops music while you're reading this.

1. Colonel Gadaffi of Libya calls for a Jihad against the Swiss. Yes the Swiss. If the Swiss are now in the Muslim firing line, let's face it, none of us are safe. Colonel Gadaffi says he's been offended by a Swiss vote to ban ostentatious Muslim Mosques from Switzerland. In actuality he was offended by the Swiss police interfering with his psychotic son Hannibal, as Hannibal was going about his standard maid beating antics while on holiday in Geneva. Beating up filipino maids is an inherent part of Islamic culture apparently. At least it is in the Gadaffi household.

2. Turkey withdraws its ambassador from the United States of America. Turkey has been under Islamist government for a number of years. The Islamists are slowly strangling what passes for democratic life in that country. The withdrawal of Turkey's ambassador to America came about because the American Congress voted to recognise the bleeding obvious, ie that Turkey had committed genocide a century ago when it sought to wipe out the people of Armenia. Yup that's why the Turks recalled their ambassador. The Americans committed the crime of using the word genocide to describe a genocide.

3. Ahmad Ahmadinejad, President of the Islamic Republic of Iran, threatens to wipe Israel off the map. Again. I think perhaps he means it.

4. A Danish newspaper apologises to Muslims for having published cartoons of the prophet Muhammed in which the prophet Muhammed was depicted as disapproving of suicide bombers. The cartoons were published in 2006. Following their publication, Muslims rioted all over the world killing dozens of people in far flung locations. The Muslims who rioted over cartoons have yet to apologise to anyone for their murders.

5. A Muslim lady doctor in England ignores severe injuries on a child who is brought to her. The child is later murdered by his parents. The Muslim lady doctor for reasons of her own, decided not to raise the alarm after examining the child who had a broken back and broken ribs. The Muslim lady doctor claimed she didn't notice the child had a broken back and broken ribs. She has since sought work in Ireland. They always do.

6. Muslims riot in Israel after the Israeli government announces that two religious sites, namely the tomb of the Patriarchs and the tomb of Rachel, will be officially listed as heritage zones. Yeah the Mussies are claiming ownership of the tomb of Abraham who is the father of Israel and the tomb of Rachel who is the mother of Israel. It's difficult to come up with good excuses for riots these days. You gotta be creative.

7. Muslims riot in Milan, terrorising the populace, burning down buildings, destroying shops and overturning cars. The peaceloving Muslims claim they rioted because a Muslim teenager had been killed earlier. Why are any of us letting these people sneak into our countries?

8. Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Harriri, whose father was murdered by peaceloving Syrians, announces that Israel is the real enemy. F--king gobshite.

9. A hit squad assassinates a Hamas terrorist in a hotel in Dubai. The Hamas terrorist had previously murdered two Israeli soldiers. Did the Israelis get him? Nobody knows for sure. Peaceloving members of Hamas and Hezbollah, Iran's two main proxy terror armies, often regulate their internal feuds through assassination. Israel rarely confirms or denies the attribution of such assassinations to itself. The Dubai Chief of Police says he's 99 percent certain that the Israelis carried out the hit. That means it's about a fifty fifty call.

10. Shadowy Irish property developer Jim Mansfield announces plans to bring 750 peaceloving Saudi Arabian Muslims to Ireland on an annual basis. Mansfield claims they'll be coming here to study English. At the same time education chiefs at third level (Third rate surely - Ed note.) Institutes of Technology in Galway, Athlone and Waterford also announce plans to bring a thousand peaceloving Saudis a year to Ireland to study English. That's a lorra, lorra, lorra Saudis. This all happens the same week as Irish President Mary MacAleese informs the general public that the Irish are indebted to peaceloving Muslims who come here to study and then go on to become ambassadors for Ireland encouraging other students to come here with their sunshine and light tales of Irish multiculturalism. Clearly the woman is both delusional and deranged. But she and her corrupt, political, Saudi facilitating, acolytes are overseeing the end of Ireland as a free nation. It's time to put a stop to all of them.


Watching yet another Billy The Kid movie with Serafina.
Wearisome violence.
Good theme song by Bon Jovi though.
"Shot down,
In a blaze of glory.
Shot down,
Beneath the sun.
Made redundant,
By a bunch of parvenus.
Made redundant,
By low life scum.
You know I never drew first, because I can't draw to save my life,
But I'm a witty one.
Call me Youngish Gun."
Bon Jovi music in the old west.
It rocks Beavis.
The album should be entitled Now That's What I Call An Anachronism.
One good scene as well somewhere in the middle of the balletic dross violence.
Emilio Estevez playing me is facing down John Fry of the Johnston Press played by Vincent Price.
They are beneath the midday sun on the main street of the standard dusty wild west frontier town from central casting.
(Who did what in the where now? - Ed note.)
The scene is pure melodramatic hokum.
But for some reason it works.
John Fry snarls: "You are not Tristram Shandy."
And Emilio Estevez cackles like a loon.
We have no idea why he's laughing.
But there's something fearful in his laughter because we know his reputation.
He's a legend in the old west.
He's satirised fifteen Managing Directors in cold blood before the age of 43.
He's being hunted across twenty States by Al Qaeda, the CIA, the corrupt Irish police force, a devil worshiping cult with active branches on the Island of Jersey and in the Irish suburban village of Dalkey, the Mossad (Hey you guys. Good to know you're here. About time someone involved in the War On Terror who isn't necessarily trying to kill me, began reading this site. You're a bit late arriving at the party though. But never mind. And since when did Israeli intelligence get so interested in UFO's?), yeah all these are reading The Heelers Diaries, and who knows who else.
The moral being that when Heelers the Kid cackles, you listen.
So John Fry has just snarled, perhaps a tad desperately, that Heelers is not Tristram Shandy.
Emilio Estevez stops laughing suddenly.
His eyes are locked on John Fry.
Then Emilio says: "Why don't you draw that gun and let's find out?"

Friday, March 05, 2010


In memory of Hugh Clowers Thompson, an American who showed us the way.

people of the lie

Those leading the persecution of the Catholic Church in Ireland are increasingly relying upon mentally ill people as their figureheads.
First it was sex abuse victims.
Now it's nut cases.
The strategy is the same.
The media know that many of us won't talk back to victims or to nutters out of compassion for their situation.
Independent Newspapers, RTE and The Irish Times allied with shadowy figures in the legal profession, the Judiciary and parliament, have long been attempting to use sex abuse victims as a Trojan Horse for their permanent cultural war against the church.
The use of nut jobs is new.
We've become accustomed to the same two selected sex abuse victims, who can be depended upon to toe the party line, being perpetually rehashed on television and in print.
Their victimhood does not excuse their allowing themselves to be used in this way, I might add.
A sex abuse victim who helps the Nazis may be a Nazi with a good excuse, but at the end of the day he or she is still a Nazi.
However the use of obviously deranged people by the media to pursue an anti Catholic pogrom is even more disturbing than the callous manipulation of sex abuse victims.
Today the Irish Independent featured an article trumpeting the views of a mentally ill failed pop singer called Sinead O'Connor.
There is no mystery about Sinead O'Connor's mental illness.
It's there for all to see.
It's been there for years.
On screen.
In newspaper.
Wearisomely so.
The media could never get enough of her.
The general public, as evidenced by her record sales, are somewhat less fascinated.
Whether riding the decrepit ageing Maoist Vincent Browne, tearing up pictures of the Pope on television, squealing imprecations about her dead mother, demanding and gaining entry to former Prime Minister Albert Reynolds office (he whose pet food factory has grown accustomed to accepting the kindness of passing Arabs) to discuss with aforementioned Prime Minister whatever was on her mind that day, or simply claiming to be a priest, Sinead O'Connor's mental self destruction has been unfolding in plain view for years.
Interestingly enough, today's article was the first time I've ever seen Independent Newspapers parade the world view of Sinead O'Connor without attempting to give credibility to her delusional claim to be a priest.
Independent Newspapers used to be very keen on claiming Sinead O'Connor was a priest.
Mother Bernadette they used to call her.
Now, not a whisper.
Not a mention.
Today it was all "Miss" O'Connnor this, and "Miss" O'Connor that.
Using such a lunatic as a tool against the church is a new low even for Independent Newspapers.
Sinead O'Connor may be as sick a nut job as you'll ever meet but she's entitled to some dignity.
However she's not entitled to go unanswered.
Jumping through hoops for the Irish Independent she predicts the Catholic Church will shortly cease to exist.
No Sinead.
No it won't.
I would ask my gentle readers to juxtapose Sinead O'Connor's view with the statement of Jesus who said the gates of the underworld would never prevail against the church.
I think Jesus is God and Sinead O'Connor is a delusional failed pop singer jumping through hoops for the Irish Independent.
I would counsel you to put your faith in Jesus.
Sinead O'Connor also told Independent Newspapers that if Jesus were alive today he would be burning down the Vatican, and that she, Sinead O'Connor, would help him.
Again it is hard to blame Sinead O'Connor for her rabid insanity.
The real blame belongs to the ones in Independent Newspapers, RTE and The Irish Times who seek to use her derangement in this way.
Sinead O'Connor claims if Jesus were alive today he would endorse her persecution of the church.
I tell you Jesus is alive today.
I tell you Jesus does not endorse any of Sinead O'Connor's delusions.
I refer you to Jesus' warning to the church at the dawn of the Christian era:
"The time will come when anyone who kills you will think they are doing a service."
I tell you that time has come.
The venal alliance of atheists, nut cases, and satanists is fulfilling its malign purpose on behalf of its diabolical master.
This is a cosmic battle.
Their power will only endure for a little while.
Hold your heads high and keep your eyes firmly on Jesus.
Do not bow to Independent Newspapers, RTE, The Irish Times, the atheistic Judiciary, the thieving bankers, the extortionist teachers, civil servants, nurses and police officers, or the corrupt politicians.
A new world is coming from the ashes of the one they have destroyed.
A better world.
The kingdom of heaven is at hand.


Michael Foot is dead.
He spent his life trying to hand over Britain and Western Europe, lock stock and barrel, to communist Russia.
He failed.

the moronica leech laugh in

(An orgy of larfs from everyone's favourite public relations executive.)

The public sector teachers, nurses, cops and civil servants threatening to go on strike in Ireland as our currency melts away, economy crashes and the country lurches towards civil war, their threat of strike action, I say, is akin, not to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, but to actually refusing to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic even as the ship slips beneath the waves, because they're more concerned with keeping their exortionate wage rates than on saving their worthless, selfish, blighted, atheistic lives.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

rendezvous at worlds end

Rendezvous with The Perfect Fit at the Costa Cafe on Dawson Street.
We arrive simultaneously.
We stare.
The whole place is boarded up.
Ain't gonna be no coffee drinking round these here parts for quite some time.
Two weeks ago in The Heelers Diaries, I predicted that the Muslim street thugs on the staff at the Costa Cafe on Dawson Street would close the place.
That's some mighty fine predictin right there.
It's closed.
Closed within a few days of Hughes And Hughes book stores.
It was rude Paddy Whacks closed Hughes And Hughes, not Muslims.
I wonder how long the Starbucks on Dawson Street and its infamously bald Dude Where's My Car rude manager, who styles himself Joe, will last.
And Heelers looked on the borders of his empire and wept.
For there were no more worlds to conquer.
No more worlds except the Starbucks that is.
Net losses for Starbucks Ireland... Currently in the millions. Several Starbucks stores already closed.
Expect news from Little Bald Joe soon.
Who said the recession doesn't have a bright side.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

morning irridesce my soul


a child is born

the drunk and the drug dealer
from the ashes of their lives
have brought forth this jewel
shining like the centuries
their own and others ruined by what they are
but their blood will know the future
curse them
curse them as they writhe
i am sick of their riddle
a buffoon and a criminal
between them can make a miracle
what idiot tortured destiny is this
how i envy it
envy beyond saying or sensation
because as the child's face lit up with sweetness
never was a smile so like redemption
proof positive there is majesty in the universe
and i must learn to live again

importing bigotries

Several regional colleges in Ireland have jointly announced plans to bring 1000 Saudi Arabian students to this country on an annual basis.
(The annoucement follows a similar claim by shadowy property developer Jim Mansfield who says he'll be bringing 700 Saudis annually to Ireland.)
Three minor colleges, known as Institutes of Technology, are trumpeting the news that they have formed an agreement with Saudi authorities to bring thousands of Saudis here to learn English.
The plans will be ongoing.
That means potentially thousands of Saudis per year in perpetuity coming to little old Ireland.
It's not clear whether any of them will ever return to Saudi Arabia.
I'd say a lot of them will figure they owe it to themselves to hang around.
Here is the news.
Saudi Arabia is the most bigoted blighted barbarically Islamist Arab country on the planet earth.
Its bigotries exceed those of other Arab countries and are perhaps best exemplified in the Saudi treatment of women.
Saudi women are not permitted to drive cars or vote or stand for election.
Saudi women are not permitted to walk outside without a chaperone.
Saudi women have lower status in the family home than their youngest male child whose authority they are under.
Saudi women fleeing from a fire a few years ago were beaten back into the flames by the Islamic police because the women had fled without putting on their veils.
Fifteen of the women were burnt alive.
The twisted sons of this twisted country are now being invited to Ireland by ambitious managers of Institutes of Technology in Athlone, Galway and Waterford whose only concern is for a quick buck.
I suppose they think money trumps Islamism.
We will all pay for their foolishness.
Ciaran O'Cathain who styles himself the President of Athlone Institute of Technology, is quoted in the Irish Times as commenting: "It is an important milestone in signalling the quality of Irish higher education to an international audience and showcasing our growing reputation as an innovation island. This will enrich the educational experiences of all students in Athlone, Galway, and Waterford, and provide a global learning and research environment on each of our campuses."
The mythical international audience is gonna be really impressed by thousands of Saudis flooding into Ireland.
Innovators worldwide just love to hear that Jihad psychos are putting their feet under the table in Ireland.
And Irish students are going to love integrating with the rich culture of those rich Islamists.
It's all gonna be a picnic.
Never mind the fact that the Saudis have never integrated with another culture in 1500 years.
The Saudis don't integrate.
They assimilate.
Mmm, the whole world is going to be impressed that Ireland is inviting these wolfen in for a holiday.
How much did they pay you O'Cathain?
What price did you get?
How much did you gain by selling your country?
Conversion to Christianity in Saudi Arabia is punishable by death, you know.
And you're bringing them here.
I don't want Saudi Arabian bigots forcing their women to wear yashmaks in my country.
I don't want Saudi Arabian fascists threatening and assaulting anyone on Irish soil for walking down the street unescorted.
I don't want Saudi Arabian Jihad gang banger scruff hassling and intimidating non Muslims in my country.
I don't want Saudi Arabian thugs planning terror attacks in my country.
O'Cathain I forbid you to bring any Saudis to Ireland.
Can you hear me O'Cathain?

Monday, March 01, 2010

the lifting of the veil


heelers goes adventuring again

Browsing in Barkers bookshop in Naas.
Looking for a present for one of the neighbour's kids who is six today.
I am hovering over a jigsaw that features The Famous Five.
The jigsaw comes complete with a mystery that you've to solve as you put the pieces together.
The Famous Five are author Enid Blyton's fictional child detectives by the way.
I remember a television version based on the characters years ago. It had a cracking theme song complete with the sublimest lyrics:
"We never let a mystery pass us by.
Just leave a clue and leave the rest to the Famous Five."
Original what!
Scooby Doo should have sued.
The Famous Five.
They taught me everything I know.
I mean everything.
But this Famous Five on the cover of the jigsaw appear somewhat different to how I remember them.
For a start George is now a rather curvaceous black girl.
She was a girl years ago too, but not black.
An attractive staff member approaches.
The one with the nice smile.
"Are you going to buy it?" she enquires brightly.
I purse my famous Hogarthian lips.
"Well see here," I tell her hotly. "See what they've done to George. She's black. I mean what's been going on? What have they done to Enid Blyton's world since I've been gone? Has Aunt Fanny been having an affair with a Rasta man? Uncle Quentin should be told about this. And what's happend to Julian. This Julian looks like a male model. And Anne. They've made Anne into Britney Spears. Dick is the only one who looks vaguely like the old Dick, that is to say a bit of a hipster doophus."
The personable staff member waited until I had finished.
"It's a new version," she explained patiently. "The Disney channel did it. These are all children of the original Famous Five. And they have a dog called Timmy too, just like their parents did."
I let out a long low whistle.
"So George married a black guy," I mused.
"I'm not sure if they're married," said the book seller.
"Yoikes," I murmured sagely.
She grinned.
"Oh and for your information there's no Aunt Fanny anymore," she said. "They've replaced her with Aunt Franny as Fanny is considered sort of unacceptable."
My Swiftian jaw dropped.
"My God, the cads," I cried.
"They'd probably have done away with Dick too if they thought they'd get away with it," she prattled as we made our way to the counter.
I bought the jigsaw.
The neighbour's kid may not be interested in it but I'm going to have a blast.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

the cruelty of oprah

I always thought Oprah Winfrey was a cruel woman.
But her genial hosting last week of the family of a psychotic murdering satanist on her chat show represents perhaps the grim nadir of her abysmal lack of humanity.
Oprah gave a warm welcome to the parents and sisters of deranged killer Amanda Knox asking them pattycake questions about their feelings and about how difficult it must be for them to be parted from their sister Amanda.
Let me point out what Oprah Winfrey failed to make clear.
Amanda Knox is a useless merciless murdering bitch.
Oprah didn't dwell over much on the reasons for the Knox family being parted from the daughter they so abjectly failed to instil with even a vestige of basic human virtue.
Oprah didn't worry too much about just what Amanda Knox had done to deserve her incarceration.
Oprah doesn't like to dwell on trifles.
Amanda Knox and her accomplices tortured, violated and then slaughtered a girl called Meredith Kirchner in Italy.
They did so merely to entertain themselves.
An Italian court has rightly convicted them of the crime.
The only injustice in the sentencing was its leniency.
Amanda Knox and her accomplices should have been executed of course.
Since the conviction, a most improbable level of influence has emerged on the part of the Knox family over the media.
On the night that the psychotic killer Amanda Knox was convicted of murder, nay within minutes of her conviction, the editor of a high society magazine was on CNN telling the world that the conviction was unsound.
A Washington Congress woman called Maria Cantwell also stepped forward to promote the erroneous view that the conviction arose from anti American bias among Italians.
Even United States Secretary Of State Hilary Clinton's office issued a statement that they were keeping an eye on events.
Within minutes of the conviction.
Foxy Knoxy indeed.
That's some access to power for the family of a turgid little satanistic murderess called Amanda Knox.
Friends in high places, eh.
Newspapers throughout the world carried interviews with the family of this lousy torturing murderess Amanda Knox, where the Knox family mendaciously claimed to know she was innocent.
All this hypocritical media cant was clothed in a veneer of false humanitarianism.
There was precious little coverage of the family of Meredith Kirchner and precious few tears for their loss.
I hadn't seen such a blatent manipulation of power since a little girl called Jon Benet Ramsey was murdered in the basement of her family home and her billionaire parents used high priced lawyers to avoid answering police questions.
Jon Benet's mother has since conveniently died.
Her father continues to hide in plain sight.
Now we have the Knox Family Circus fielding pattycake questions on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
It's positively obscene.
Oprah Winfrey has been getting away with it for years.
But nobody gets away with it forever.
I am firmly convinced that someday even Oprah will answer to a higher power.
Not to the Knox family.
Not to satan.
To a higher power Oprah.
You'll find out when the time comes.