The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, February 08, 2010

our television listings

RTE1
(The Irish national fraudcaster. A television channel, by the liberal atheists of the liberal atheists for the liberal atheists. But financed through compulsory taxation on the Christians of Ireland who are not permitted to set up television stations to compete with it. Nifty, eh?)

9.00 Dilin O'Deamhas 2: Dilin O'Deamhas With A Vengeance. Bruce Willis recreates his best loved role. Not a great sequel. Violent and lacking the heart of the original.
11.00 Lefties Love Religion Too. Gay Byrne returns from beyond the grave to haunt Ireland again with a programme where he claims to be a Catholic and then interviews his atheistic friends about their reasons for sneering at the Catholic Church. Truly vomitous.
12.00 Mad Max 2. Gay Byrne is put in charge of roads policy in the Republic of Ireland. He sets out single handedly to criminalise the general public by giving the police new powers to harass and intimidate citizens at the side of the road. You couldn't make this stuff up.
1.00 News And Weather.
2.00 Murder She Wrote. Jessica is herself arrested for murder by a Sherrif who notices that everywhere she's gone each week for the past dozen years, someone has been killed. How do you spell Sheriff?
3.00 The Afternoon Show. Hagerdotal biddies obsess about waxing their legs on my dime.
5.00 The Miley Cyrus Sexualises Your Children In The Early Afternoon Show. Title says it all.
6.00 The Angelus. Bell ringing sop to Christians from a thoroughly anti clerical anti Catholic station. This week's episode sees Quasimodo outed in a new report into bell ringers by Yvonne Murphy.
6.30 Garda Patrol. Programme which invites the viewer to help the police solve crimes. They're too busy harassing motorists at the side of the road to solve them themselves. A number is shown at the end of the show for you to phone with your tip offs. Tips such as: "The Irish police are individually and institutionally corrupt," will not be welcome.
7.00 The Judge Liberal Comedy Half Hour. New programme featuring likeable rogue Judge Barry White. While doubling as a soul singer, Barry puts himself through college and eventually becomes a Judge. The programme focusses on his attempts to bring humour to the most tragic situations by letting murderers and drug dealers off with light sentences.
8.00 Vincent Browne Tonight. Ageing Maoist jeers at Catholicism while having an affair with hag pop singer Sinead O'Connor. I kid you not.
9.00 News And Weather 2: News And Weather With A Vengeance. Cheap immitation of the first Die Hard movie, starring Stephen Segal. Violent, nasty and left wing.
9.30 Legally Blonde. Documentary film about an RTE newsreader having an affair with a corrupt kleptocratic Fianna Fail parliamentarian.
10.00 Coron Anything Street. Wearisome British soap opera.
11.00 Dreary City. Wearisome Irish soap opera.
11.30 So How Many Mistresses Did Former Prime Minister Bertie Aherne Have In The End? This isn't really a television programme. I was just wondering.
12.00 The Pious Manipulative Anti Catholic Drivel Show. RTE investigation of sex abuse which ignores the vast preponderance of victims while recycling the same three poster victims to maximum effect. RTE has no interest in informing the public that over 99 percent of victims are abused in the family home, or in sports clubs or by paedophile rings. Sex abuse victims are important. But some sex abuse victims are more important than others. Particularly if they can help a Marxian television station continue its war with the Christian faith. Eh RTE?
1.00 Citizens Of The Year Awards. Smugly self satisfied RTE awards programme. Tonights winners include a Best Atheist Posing Catholic trophy for Gay Byrne, a Most Venal Ratbag award for Vincent Browne and the Papa Doc Duvalier Perennial Prize for Best Kleptocrat Bankrupters Of A Nation going to the Fianna Fail party. The RTE award for Best Humanitarians is jointly presented as always to Amnesty International and Al Qaeda.
2.00 Tele Bingo. The most intellectually honest programme ever broadcast on RTE.

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