The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, June 05, 2009

tilting at windmills

Rambled into the Newbridge Silverware Cafe to have a look at the Russian waitresses.
They are Aroogahs.
Oh and one of them is a Natassia.
Finished coffee and wandered upstairs to the Hollywood Museum.
Lots of memorabalia.
I strolled among the glitz.
Then I came upon something strange.
It was an alcove.
Open to the public.
Yet not immediately visible.
There was an aura of mystery about this alcove.
The implication was that it contained something that could not be permitted in the main display centre.
Most intriguing.
I walked in.
Nudey pictures.
Silly sad little girls with silly sad faces contorted into silly sad fake grins.
Apparently the results of a collaboration between the Sunday Independent newspaper and Newbridge Silverware.
Tackiest of the tacky.
Not fit for the main display area indeed.
Not fit for here.
Not fit for anywhere.
Infinitely depressing.
I headed to the exit.
Found me the guest book.
Time for a comment that would stand out from the usual run of the mill excellents, marvellouses and wonderfuls.
I wrote:
"The Sunday Independent photoshoot is cheap and tawdry. Do you really want to be associating with these people? They're dragging you down."
Much pleased with myself I returned to the cafe for a revitalising cup of Russian waitresses.
I mean coffee.
Coffee finished I headed back to the exit.
And lo!
In the guest book.
My comment had been annotated.
That is to say, someone had written a refutation in the margin.
The refutation was unsigned but I recognised the free flowing handwriting as that of the manager of Newbridge Silverware, Mr William Doyle.
His unsigned refutation went:
"Adam and Eve were naked.
Get a life."
Ah yes.
The argomento ad get a lifeo, as the Romans used to call it.
Classy indeed.
Obviously the management prefer comments like excellent, marvellous, wonderful, etc etc.
There were forty pages of those and not one had provoked the management into an anonymous reply.
That little vein above my left eyebrow which some of you have come to know and love, gave a gentle throb.
I picked up a pen and drew a large X through Mr Doyle's remarks.
Then I wrote in the now crowded margin:
"No comments on the comments you anonymous twit.
I would also seriously advise you to take down the pictures of the girl who died in a drug overdose last year. It's an insult to her memory to celebrate the lifestyle and the people who killed her. Or were Adam and Eve coke heads as well?"

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