The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

pleasant interludes

Morning coffee with Doctor Barn in the Whitewater Centre in Newbridge.
"You know something Heelers?" quoth he. "I think you genuinely are among the Irish poets."
I nodded briefly.
"I am among them," I cried. "And I'm shouting: Get out of my way you useless ****ing *******s."

Driving into Kilcullen, I shook my head yet again in rueful regret as I passed the bare church yard.
Father Andrew cut down all the trees two years ago just before he was seconded to the Vatican.
They're gone anyway.
And so is he.
Now I hear the Pope is having a hell of a time trying to stop him cutting down the trees in front of Saint Peter's.
Keep an eye on him Benedict.
When you're off on the Summer hols at Castel Gandolfo, that's when he'll strike.

In the afternoon I sent off a job application for the recently advertised editor's position at the Leinster Leader.
The application read in total:
"My terms are unconditional surrender."
That should give them a few larfs at the Johnston Press High Command in Edinburgh.
I wonder will they get the joke.

Back at the chateau I found the Mammy in front of the computer.
She'd accessed the statistics monitor on The Heelers Diaries website.
"You won't believe who's been reading you this week," sez she.
"The Saudi Arabians again?" replieth me.
"Yes," sez she, "but someone else as well."
"Who?" sez I.
"Your old pals at the Johnston Press," sez she.
"No way," sez I.
"They've logged on fifteen times today," quoth she.
"I wonder what they want," murmureth me.
"Maybe they like the poem," grins the Mammy.

Night full of stars. Paddy Pup and me walked in the fields.
I addressed the Deity.
"You are the only power I recognise in the universe," I said. "I am not afraid of anything else that pretends it's a power. I am not afraid of Arab Muslim terrorists. I am not afraid of the Irish government. I am not afraid of corrupt police officers. I am not afraid of street thugs. I am not afraid of the future. I am not afraid of having no money. I am not afraid of getting old. I am not afraid of my own mind. I am not afraid of unemployment. I am not afraid of any memory. I am not afraid of any disease. I am not afraid of the freemasons. I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of satan. I am not afraid of the Johnston Press... Your Lordship Jesus is the only thing I recognise and the only thing I care about. Losing you Lord Jesus is the only thing I fear and I cannot fear even that because I trust completely in your love."

8 Comments:

Blogger Adrienne said...

Your address to the Diety is wonderful. May I have permission to reprint it (with proper accolades to the author)on my blog??

adrienne at icehouse dot net

6:16 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Would one be nervous (if not afraid) of depositions of uric acid crystals on the old metatarsals??????

6:30 PM  
Blogger heelers said...

Adrienne, You flatter me!
Frances, Goutman fears nothing!
James

7:36 PM  
Blogger Schneewittchen said...

Hmmm...I thought you feared Hoddlebun....

1:16 AM  
Blogger heelers said...

Hoddlebun and you Schneewittchen.
James

3:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LIKED THE "ONLY FEAR" IS OF LOSING JESUS IN YOUR LIFE AND THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. AS USUAL YOU NEVER FAIL TO BE CONTROVERSIAL AND THAT IS ONCE AGAIN EVIDENT IN YOUR DESCRIPTION OF KOSAVO'S NEW MUSLIM STATE.
LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT ARTICLE.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

anon - I don't think James is controversial - unless you consider telling the truth to be controversial. I guess in today's world it is.....

7:32 PM  
Blogger heelers said...

Anonymous, Welcome hence. Your appreciation of fine writing notwithstanding, I am very curious as to who you are.
Adrienne, thanks again for the comments and links today. I thought at times that you'd stirred up a hornets nest. But Lordy, it's been fun!
James

2:51 AM  

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