The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, January 24, 2008

mannah from the department of social welfare

Careening along the open road through the heartland of South Kildare.
The Mammy is beside me trying to be patient.
My car Esmerelda rattles cheerfully around us as we drive.
I have had some good news.
I am singing.
I am singing a parody of the theme tune to the Harold Lloyd Half Hour, a television programme from the 1970's.
This was a show which featured clips from silent movie star Harold Lloyd's hugely funny comedy films. They used the original cinema footage actually dating from the 1920's.
The television producers had revitalised Harold's material and made it accessible to a whole new generation simply by coming up with the best theme tune ever.
I mean it was only brilliant.
It went:
"Say hello to Harold Lloyd.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
What a guy.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
Five feet high.
He's just a pair of glasses and a smile."
I'm telling you folks it was impossible to hear this without smiling.
The version I'm singing today which is proving pure purgatory for the Mammy's soul goes as follows.
"Thank God for Karl Marx.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
So left wing.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
Money for nothing,
He's just a social conscience and a beard.
Yes, thank God for free money.
Bleeding heart liberals,
Socialistas,
The Sandinistas,
And especially Guardian reading pseudo intellectual political thinkers.
Thank heavens God wasn't listening to me when I scorned them over the last twenty years.
Yap daba dabba dabba dap dap."

Truly my sweet and gentle friends of the internet, truly, if you live long enough, truly, you'll see everything.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heelers.
You pretend to be anti left wing.
But I know you worked in Athy as a journalist for nine years and your best friends were the IRA man, the communist and the socialist.
Avid Fan

1:07 AM  
Blogger heelers said...

Avid.
I respected them because they believed in things.
James

1:08 AM  
Blogger Schneewittchen said...

That's funny, I always thought of the Heelers to be quite left-wing.
He seems to value sharing democracy with the peoples of countries who were formerly under vile dictatorships, he finds the life and work of Jesus of Nazareth extremely important, he has a sense of humour and he loves his mother. All of these are generally considered socialist qualities.

I think I've seen some of Avid Fan's stand-up comedy. Hmm...

2:22 AM  
Blogger Genevieve Netz said...

So, the Heelers is pretending to be anti-left in order to disguise a political bent that is quite opposite. How wily! Despite reading his blog for two years, I never would have suspected.

6:31 AM  

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