The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

from the heelers emails

Ernest Hebblethwack to James Healy.
Yesterday's article about the Revenue Commissioners is the most boring thing you've ever written.

Heelers to Ernest.
No! No by heaven. I'm not  having that... I wrote a business column once for the Leinster Leader that was much worse than what you read yesterday. cf The Major in Fawlty.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

attention leo varadkar prime minister republic of ireland

(eyes only)

1. Offices of the Revenue Commissioners, the official government taxing authority in Ireland, are being decentralised to various locations in Dublin and around the country.

2. These offices are repositories for files on citzens and commercial organisations. The files contain sensitive data.

3. I am concerned that while Revenue Commissioners offices are being decentralised, a de facto increase in the concentration of power is taking place behind closed doors. That is to say more and more power in the form of data on citizens is being marshalled by the various staffs  in the various offices with oversight that may not be sufficient to prevent abuses.

4. I would suggest Prime Minister that those employed in the Revenue Commissioners may not always use the powers they are accumulating and which you are allowing them to accumulate, wisely.

5. Revenue Commissioners offices, containing as they do information on citizens and commercial entities, are targets for infiltration by gangland and terrorist organisations such as the IRA, Al Qaeda, Cosa Nostra, the Chinese Triads et al.

6. The decentralisation of Revenue Commissioners offices may result in an attrition of security protocols and an increasing risk of security breaches with regard to data being kept on the citizenry.

7. The Revenue Commissioners offices in Tallaght are located in a shared building that includes a hotel, a casino, a fast food takeaway, and other commercial outlets.

8. A carpark serving the hotel and the other tenants is located around the building.

9/ The location of a public carpark serving a hotel and a casino, beside Revenue Commissioners offices means that gangland operatives have an excuse to be in proximity to Revenue Commissioners offices which they may want to keep under surveillance.

10. The presence of a public carpark at the site also gives opportunities for gangland operatives or other personae non gratae to observe staff with a view to corrupting same.

11. A police station is also using the underground carpark at this location.

12. There is a public interest in preventing undue access by the police to civil servants holding personal data on the citizenry.

13. The sharing of an internal carpark with the police might in theory allow improper contact between the police and Revenue Commissioners personnel.

14. The sharing of a building with any other entity, such as a casino or a hotel, might in theory provide a modus for further security breaches.

15. My recommendations Prime Minister are as follows.

16. All Revenue Commissioners offices, including decentralised ones, should be in stand alone buildings with a controlled carpark, uniquely preserved for Revenue Commissioners use. There should be no possibility of gangland spectators using the carpark. There should be professional security in place at the gate.

17. Revenue Commissioners offices should never be shared with other tenants, whether commercial businesses or State Sector entities such as the police.

18. The perimetre of Revenue Commissioners offices should give no sight lines for potential malefactors to scout personnel or the location itself.

Monday, September 18, 2017


Autumnal rains sweeping through the heartland.
Blackberries glistening on the branches.
Hedgerows resplendently girding the ancient fields.
An evening glow in the windows of many houses.
School children wending their way home through the streets of our town.
A gospel shiver in the trees.
The wind itself is whispering: "God, God, God."

Sunday, September 17, 2017

meditation having just seen francoise hardy singing mon amie la rose in a recording made for swiss televison in 1965

Time thou hast cheated me.

come back bob dylan all is forgiven

Ner ner ner nerdley ner nerrrr

This is the story of the hurricane
Noirin O'Sullivan was her name
She was assistant to the chief
Of a crime gang called the Irish police

Her corrupt boss was Joe Callanan
A cunning conniving mafioso rapscallion
He wanted to keep his corruption out of the news
So he and Noirin framed a hero cop for child abu-u-u-use

This is the story of the hurricane
A thief, a rogue and a renegade
For her duplicity in every way
She made our country pay
But one time
Oh one time
She could have been the champion of the world

Big bad Joe he got the can
The government needed another man
They promised not to hire an insider
But Noirin knew that didn't apply to her

A liberal atheist prime minister called her in
He said: 'Breaking promises is not a sin
Since you're a woman I want you to be chief for me"
And the all liberal parliament agre-e-e-eed

This is the story of the hurricane
Noirin O'Sullivan was her name
Worse than any storm you know
She trashed the rule of law and oh
If she'd only had a little bit more integrit-y-y-y-y-y--y-y
Or some even
She cudda been the champion of the worl-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d

Noirin's cops they were stealing and robbing
Breaking every law and double jobbing
They let IRA gangs go on a drug dealing spree
while they themselves harassed and terrorised the citizenr-y-y-y--y-y

Ner ner ner ner ner
Nerdly ner ner ner

Sean Fitzpatrick was an evil IRA skank
Due in court for burglarising his own bank
But an IRA judge set him free
And the all Rah Jury agr-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

At last parliament set up a committee of enqui-er-y
To look at Noirin O'Sullivan's perfidy
They asked to see her fifteen mobile phones
But she said she'd lost them in a drawer at ho-o-o-o-ome

Ner ner ner ner ner
Nerdly ner ner ner

This is the story of the hurricane
Noirin O'Sullivan was her name
She became chief of police
With her Superintendant cop husband sitting on her knee

And together they trahaised everything they saw
Wiped out completely the rule of law
They said: 'There's no justice, there's no love,
None of you sonsabitches move"
But one time
Oh one time
She could have been the champion of the wo-o-o-o-o-orld

This is the story of the hurricane
Noirin O'Sullivan was her name
She broke the trust of generations
And laid low our rationo legalistic Judaeo Christian traditions
With her invidious trahesions
But one time
Oh one time
She could have been (if she'd only had a tiny bit of intergity)
Yes she could have been
The champion of the wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oo--ooorld.

Ner ner ner nerdley ner ner
Ner ner ner nerdley nerrrrrrrrr

Friday, September 15, 2017

in time of the freaking out of nations

Sitting in Farmer Jones front room.
Four dogs and three cats are lolling, strolling, mullocking and meditating in various postures around me.
Puppy, Maggie, Snowy, Harry, Tiger, Chip and Marmalady.
If the Murdocks hadn't pulled the plug on Fox News in Europe all would be right with the world.
As it is, the only blot on my escutcheon television is CNN.
Any tripe in a storm as Kim Jung Un will not be saying for very much longer.
The creatures arrayed around me in oddly contented harmonies call up to my consciousness the old question as to whether animals go to heaven.
CS Lewis once opined that the idea of the lion lying down with the lamb as expressed in the Bible prophecy should not be taken too literally.
He suggested that a lion sitting peaceably with a lamb would no longer really be a lion.
I think his imagination might have failed him on this one point.
I suspect that one day the lion in his glory will indeed sit down with the lamb and both will be more glorious than we have ever known them.
I saw a parody of the fulfillment of the prophecy years ago when Pope John Paul The Great met with the old communist Mikhail Gorbachev.
And I am seeing a shadow of its fulifillment now this very afternoon in Farmer Jones front room with the cats and dogs in peaceful profusion sitting around me watching the worst news channel on the planet.

Thursday, September 14, 2017


A children's home called Haut La Garenne on the island of Jersey is under investigation.
Allegations have emerged of serial sexual abuse, ritual violations, rapes and murders, taking place at the home.
The large number of allegations along with several other items of evidentiary information which have come into the public domain, point to many decades of violation, abuse, rape and murder of children at Haut La Garenne.
My analysis is that Haut La Garenne was used by a satanic cult for the ritual abuse of children.
My analysis is that this cult involves many levels of society on the island of Jersey, including political and law enforcement figures as well as prominent members of the business community.
I am disquieted by the manner in which the investigation is being handled.
I am disquieted that all members of staff who have at any time worked at Haut La Garenne have not been arrested, detained and interrogated.
I am disquieted that the senior officer investigating the case has been removed from the investigation.
I am disquieted at the manner in which the new senior officer investigating the case has dismissed many of the more serious allegations.
I do not believe the current investigators are seeking the truth.
I call on all men and women of good will to boycott the island of Jersey.
I call on all men and women of good will to boycott the products, people, industries, and holday resorts of the island of Jersey.
I call on all fund managers, investment comptrollers, and banking executives to divest immediately from the island of Jersey.
I call on Teresa May Prime Minister of Great Britain to take personal responsibility for the investigation.
I call on Queen Elizabeth the Second to intervene directly in this case, so that the murdered, raped, violated and ritually sacrificed children of Haut La Garenne will at last receive some form of justice.
There is no excuse for acquiescing in the child murders, rapes, ritual satanic sacrifices and sundry other tortures and violations, which have taken place at Haut La Garenne on the island of Jersey before the eyes of the world.
End this.
Bring the murderers to account.
Do it England.

yet another hurricane devastates ireland

(A short satire on the weather reporting style of  CNN, the BBC, RTE, NBC, ABC, the Irish Times, the New York Post, et al, particularly Al. I hate him.)

Hurricane Noirin O'Sullivan has resigned from her role as Chief Of Police in Ireland, leaving a trail of devastation in her wake.
Citing difficulties in concentrating on her work because of a series of ongoing official enquiries into police corruption, Hurricane Noirin scarpered with a lump sum payout in excess of a quarter of a million dollars.
She will also receive an annual pension of about a hundred thousand dollars a year in recognition of her successes in devastating the rule of law in Ireland.
That's Ireland folks.
The only country on earth that pays its hurricanes to devastate them.
I kid you not.
Among the Top Ten things Hurricane Noirin may not have liked being enquired about were:
1. Her possible role in the framing of a hero cop for child abuse.
2. An IRA mafia money laundering racket at the police training school.
3. The deliberate concealment by police of Ireland's stratospheric murder rate, a concealment carried out through the simple expedient of the police not including the murders that were taking place in their formal murder statistics.
4. The falsification of a million roadside tests for drunk driving, ie the cops claimed they'd tested a million people when none of the claimed million tests had taken place. Since a drink driving test kit costs a specific sum, the implication is again that the Irish police had devised yet another money laundering trick around the non existent tests.
5. Hurricane Noirin's refusal to produce any of her mobile phones to any committee of enquiry into police corruption, on the grounds that she couldn't find them. (The mobile phones, not the committees.)
6. Hurricane Noirin's novel solution to public concerns about corruption in the upper ranks of the police force, ie she moved all the precinct chiefs to new precincts.
7. Public concerns about IRA infiltration of the police.
8. Public concerns about other rackateers infiltrating the police.
9. Claims that the police bugged the offices of the organisation charged with monitoring police corruption.
10. Public concerns about a Chief of Police whose husband is also a high ranking police officer.
11. Public concerns about the complete break down of trust between the public and the police force we remunerate so highly.
12. Public concerns about Mafia Judges awarding huge payouts to police officers who claim to have been injured on the job or traumatised by exposure to crime.
13. Public concerns that the police force of the Republic of Ireland is individually and institutionally corrupt.
14. Hurricane Noirin's role as right hand man to her predecessor the infamous Joe Callanan, and the manner in which she came to take the top job when the Irish government had expressly promised not to hire an insider as Chief of Police.
15. Hurricane Noirin's insistence that she would nor resign as scandal after scandal engulfed the Irish Police Force and the exact reasons why the Irish government concluded they couldn't fire her.
16. Hurricane Noirin's failure to deal with the IRA skang gangs currently terrorising every village, town and city in Ireland while simultaneously dealing drugs into every school in Ireland.
18. Public concerns about the framing of socialist parliamentarian Claire Daly on frivolous charges of breaking the speed limit by five miles per hour. Also, public concerns about the police illegally arresting Claire Daly on a warrant issued by Judge Desmond Zaidan. (As a citizen of the Republic of Ireland, I consider Judge Zaidan's behaviour towards Claire Daly to be emblematic of arrant corruption.)
19. Public concerns about the collapse of immigration law amid collusion between elements of the police force and IRA people traffickers.
20. Public concerns about the police failure to combat the war between two IRA drug gangs styled the Hutch Gang and the Kinahan Gang who are currently tearing our country to pieces.
21. Public concerns about the police turning a blind eye to the Triads, Cosa Nostra, MS13, the Zetas, the Russian Mafia, Nigerian devil worship rings, Muslim Gangs, Al Qaeda, Tinker Gangs and of course the IRA and their Sinn Fein proxies in parliament who as Capo's Di Tutti Capi are dividing Ireland up into medieval fiefdoms, allotting respective portions and zones of action to the approxiamately one hundred and thirty major international mafias known to be headquartering here.
22. That's enough Hurricane Noirin. - Ed note.
23. You're right it is. - Heelers note.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

after math

long after i have ceased

and cities reached the sky and fallen down
when pagan nations have fulfilled their truth
and passed

a race of men will till the isthmalian plane
a woman croon her babe in an african shade
and some still follow the christ

darkness has closed in
as many times before it closed
but it shall not win
it shall not win